:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bring me that man meat
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
