She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize