Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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