1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
