Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
