It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Porn is love you can see.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
