Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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