Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize