you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
