i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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