either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
