I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize