Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
