Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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