If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's paint friendship bongs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
