So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
