Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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