i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
