is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
