Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
