So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
