capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
