Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
