my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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