very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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