My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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