I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Congratulations! We have a period
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