I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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