My room smells like vodka and shame
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
