I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
