I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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