hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
