Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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