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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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