Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
