my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
