My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Randomize
