I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
