Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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