I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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