Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize