Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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