what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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