I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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