I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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