Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She bit a glass in half.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
