i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
