i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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