Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
