Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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