i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
