PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
