Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
