Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
