I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
