kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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