Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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