If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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