the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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