I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
