Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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